Regenerate

Head rush

tail spin

cycling out of control

hold breath

tighten grip

see straight

raise head

inside

melt down

caving mountain

lava streams

outside

be calm

stay quit witted

clever

and sharpen edges

don't miss the details

shoot straight

cut clean

eventually

die inside

winter comes

frost sets

and earth hardens

one day

sun sets

colors stream

light hits horizon

to tuck away

for a quiet night's sleep

exhale

lay back

feel warmth

pleasure tingles inside again

eyes peel to star's brilliance

skin receives pain and caress

and releases in the next breath

deeply expecting

a rising globe of fire

clean slate

progressing frame of time

birthing hopes in secret

wings with higher clout

popping flowers whisper of

earth's pending promise

Re-generate

Relationship

As my head was resting on my pillow the other night and I was trying to go to sleep, my brain couldn't help but think about the concept of relationship. Relationship is found when things are "related" to one another in some way or can "relate" to one another. I thought about the original relationship in the human race, between God and Adam. "God created man in His own image in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:26)

God is able to have a relationship with man, because there are things that we share in common with him, since we are made in His image. Similarly, there are things that we do not have in common with Him, such as a pronation toward sin and a broken nature. I think it's interesting that the makeup of our relationship with Him both includes matters which we relate on as well as areas of opposition, which requires an extension of grace or compromise to cover the gap spaces. I can't help but draw lines of inference and similarity to natural relationships from this heavenly model.

When two humans have a relationship with one another, it's because they "relate" to one another in some fashion, but there will also be areas of opposition and disconnect. This brokenness possesses the power to sharpen each member involved in the relationship, but it seems to me that this element of brokenness is what brings about pain in relationship. The similarities and established roads for intimacy produce fruit and pleasantry, but our differences and obstacles for knowing each other are the trip wires for frustration and pain.

Why in the world did God decide to set it up like this??? People don't usually dwell on the fact that God feels pain, but realizing that there is pain in all disconnect and in all gap spaces of relationship it's obvious that God partakes a macro-scale of pain continually.

Very connected to this thought is the idea that people often talk about loving without expectation or any assumption of reciprocation. I've interpreted many voices from the modern day church to teach that if we're living and giving from a place of no expectation that we will feel happy and free, while investing into broken people and relationships. On the contrary I think that whether a person has expectations of reciprocation, acceptance or the like, it still hurts when someone rejects such an offering. I feel this way because I think that God's heart hurts every time we reject relationship with Him, His promises, or His gifts of love. I don't think God has unhealthy expectations of reciprocation or a need of acceptance. He knows who He is and has no need of us, but He still feels pain when the gaps are not bridged.

I still don't understand why He designed relationships in our universe in this way or why relationship seems to be the DNA of why and how our universe exists. There seems to be a theme of beauty, pain and restoration though. On a sentimental level, acknowledging that God experiences the same pain that we do in relationships makes me feel better and makes me think that relationships are worth it.

Jehova's love...

So I had a conversation today with a Jehova's Witness, which sparked an interesting thought inside of my head about why I'm hooked on Christianity. Out of curiosity, I was probing my ex-boyfriend's brother about Witness beliefs. Whenever a Jehova's witness comes to my door the last thing I want to do is stand there and argue for countless hours about our faiths, while something is burning in the kitchen, but when I know a person through other avenues of life and come to find they are a Jehova's Witness, it makes me want to ask the more personal questions about how they became involved, how it affects their life and why they are committed to their religion. I realized after I had wormed my way politely into the conversation the only true question that was burning inside of me to ask was, "Do you get to have a relationship with God and what do you think about the Holy Spirit?"

Driving home I was pondering a phrase I heard uttered out of the mouth of an acquaintance over dinner with my friends. Kim, a thirties something, hippy-esque, single woman was expressing over the beer in her hand, "I'm hooked on Jesus and can't get away from His love, no matter where I go, I can't find anything better. I always come back." In my pensive moment behind my steering wheel, pulling up to my drive way tonight my soul couldn't echo those words more emphatically. It's His LOVE!!!! I can get fed up with rules, religion, brokenness of the world, gaps in relationships, and what God asks of me does not always seem pleasant at first on all occasions, but at the heart of the matter for me, I'm hooked on His intense, dangerous, all consuming love.

At the moment I'm in-between relationships with several men and upon soul searching through my emotional processes with my experiences of the masculine I decided that what I'm looking for in a man is the intensity and acceptance I find with God. In God I have complete freedom, opportunities for thrill seeking, pushing boundaries and exhilaration. I'm completely satisfied in my relationship with God, because as much as I resist, as much as screw up, as extravagantly as I flail or as loud as I scream, He sees through it all and He decides to love me. Not only does He love me, but He sees the true me and calls me out of any of the superfluous bull crap.

I love the Bible and God's precepts, but if my religion rested solely on a set of words or rules and my acceptance was dependent on my behaviors I don't think I would last long. The thing that continually draws me deeper and deeper into a relationship with the God of Christianity is a God who is not scared of mess ups, encourages creativity, and meets me in the darkest, most hurting places of my soul. He's there for me at the beginning of every day as I drive to work, He's there for me in the moments when I lose my cool with my employees, He's there for me when others hurt my soul and He's there for me at the end of my day when I'm exhausted and my deepest desire is to curl up inside of His fiery heart and simply stay for eternity. It's this unshakeable quality of God's love and faithfulness, that reaches through fire and hangs on that makes me a Christian. I don't think anything else could work for me. I gotta love Him back!!!!

Costa Rica Trip Update

Since I can't be with you in person, (or maybe I am, in which case this is just a bonus ;-) I figured this is the next best thing. It's taken me a while to figure out how to do this and to have the time since I returned since I've been spending most of my waking moments at work.
I just want to say again I sooooooo appreciate everyone who was involved with my trip, whether financially, spiritually, or physically. I am so thankful for you all and wish there was more I could do to convey my gratitude. In my video I really just hit the highlights of my trip, but I've also included some pictures in a slideshow below as well.
Blessings on you all!

poem

The creative inferno struck her, at the moment of nexus between heaven and hell.

Between the breaking of dawn and the edge of sunset.

She knew.

What was known she could not understand.

But something stirred. Deep in her belly it moved.

Like a rushing wind in her spirit she could vaporize. Soaring with the gales that passed through her soul.

Atoms, particles, bumping into one another. Creation, energy, being.

Riding on the back of atoms, dancing with particles to who knew where.

Molecular.

Vibrating, expanding, glowing, until bursting!

A sound was ringing until she was singing... a song so loud she could not contain.

The noise became so loud her being exploded, into a thousand atoms.

Her life became song, riding on waves of sound, energy carried by the shifting atmosphere. Sound danced like fireflies to who knew where.

Lay to rest, lay to rest gentle soul. Resonate in the waters below. Drink from the cool pool, which lies beneath your feet, at cliff's edge. Breathful tides move in and out and soul finds contentment in water's depth. All sustaining life, suspension between the deep. Here you will be satisfied.

Missions Trip to Poland

Hello dear friends and family,

      I received a wonderful opportunity for the summer to accompany my friends Derek and Amy Chapman to Poland to be a part of  one of the largest Christian Arts

 Festivals in Europe, the Slot Festival.  The dates of the festival are July 4-9. We will be joining the rest of our team, comprised of the Jones family who have been missionaries to Eastern and Western Europe for almost twenty years, Sasha Flek, who has just finished a fifteen year project of translating the bible into the modern Czech language, and our friends Bryce and Sam who run a ministry in the youth club scene of Switzerland.  Slot festival is utilized as a time for Christians around the globe and predominantly Europe to gather together, fellowship, worship, teach, and mutually equip each other as the body of Christ.  Several members of our team have been asked to speak at the round table, a part of the Slot Festival in which global church leaders will teach and share church building strategies as well as represent what God is doing in their local communities and nations.  

     

     Derek has asked me to help him lead an artistic workshop at Slot, utilizing drama, dance, and visual art.  The purpose of the workshop is to break down barriers of cultures within the festival, offer a tool of ministry to the broader church and to impact the individuals attending the event. 

     

     After the festival ends our

 team will be traveling to Prague where we will assist Sasha Flek in the launch of his fifteen year Bible Project, in which he has translated the entire bible into the modern Czech language.  It is my strong desire to help serve, develop connections, and be a living light on this trip, offering whatever tools God has equipped me with thus far in my journey.  

      

     I've felt my heart tug at the mention of Poland for over a year and a half now. 

 After encountering parts of Poland's history in my Judaism class at UNCG, praying for the country throughout the year and learning more about its culture through the community I am a part of, my burden for the country and its people has only grown.  The youth I met last year in Europe revealed to me the desperate need for the gospel to be alive, present, and in front of them in their culture.  Due to the spiritual wounds of Europe's nations, its people have extremely harsh affronts towards Christianity.  The only form of religion that the youth of Europe has known in their generation is era of atheism.  I know from the individuals I've met personally that these same youth who live in extreme spiritual isolation are also experiencing an intense hunger to know their true God spoken identities and be connected to a higher calling of His kingdom.  

    

     My hope is to meet these youth where they are at and join a team who is equipped for sharing the gospel in a language their culture  can understand.  We also want to hold the hand of the existing church in Eastern Europe and help encourage them as they walk what might seem to be the lonely road of Christianity in their nations.  God is truly moving in big ways in Eastern Europe right now.  Our friend Sasha's release of the bible in the modern Czech language is a representation of how God is working.  It seems that the open avenues for the gospel are through the doors of artistic expression, personal relationship, and through cultural experiences.   

   

     I would love you to be a part of what God is doing by praying for Poland, the Czech Republic, and for what God is doing there now.  I would also be incredibly grateful if you feel God lay it on your heart to help sponsor my journey as a representative of the gospel from the American church.  If you would like to donate to my trip to Poland you can donate through the donate paypal button on my blog or send a check to my mailing address, which is below.  Thank you so much for your prayers, love, and support.  Be blessed!

Mailing Address:

Jenna White

11702 Aloe Vera Cove

Austin TX 78750

Relevant Links:

Official Site of the Slot Fest-  http://www.slot.art.pl/

Alaxendr Sasha Flek Bible Project-  http://www.nbk.cz/english/Team

Derek and Amy Chapman's website- http://thebearablelight.com/

Playing Around with Photography

So I took these photos on the Konica my Dad gave me while I was home in NC last visit.  I'm really enjoying figuring out how to use it via trial and error.  I had some awesome pictures turn out in the right lighting and then the ones that were maimed or double exposed turned out sorta interesting as well.  The top photo was double exposed, but I thought would make a nice painting.  The second picture was way underexposed for the lighting, but I kinda liked the old ambience it gave to my subject matter.  My third photo is from a collection I created for a line of hair pieces intended to be sold at a local vintage store. (If anyone is interested please check out my etsy shop, dancerofthenations.etsy.com.)  Then the fourth photo was one of the first pieces in a collection I'm developing of many historic church buildings in Austin.  Experimenting with new mediums is always fun, especially this one!  It's so educational and offers cool perspectives!  So keep playing in life!